Somewhere
by lil-hermione-at-heart
Summary: Listen to Somewhere Only We Know by Keane Harry is losing faith in his life post-war. It's getting to the point that he just doesn't feel that his life has meaning or purpose anymore. Was his only purpose to defeat the Dark Lord?


**Chapter One**

For Harry, the purpose of his life was so clear and simple: defeat the Dark Lord and bring peace to the wizarding and muggle worlds. But now, five years after bringing an end to the mass of darkness that was stretching over the land, Harry was more lost than ever. For a majority of those five years, he had spent every waking moment trying to figure out what he was supposed to do with his life now that his only goal was complete; because after the war, nothing went as expected.

Ron, after learning of Lavender's death, turned to Luna for comfort. They were now married and expecting their first child. Ginny couldn't handle the drama and constant presence of fame in Harry's life and he hadn't really been as in love with her as he had thought. Instead Harry found he had feelings for a certain bushy-haired witch. He figured they had shown up some time during the several months they had spent together in that blasted tent. One down side: after the war, Hermione had told the boys that she just needed some time to get her life in order, and they hadn't seen her since. Over the past four and a half years, Harry would get one letter every other month that always said the same thing: she was fine, he shouldn't worry, and American college is a nice and quiet change.

Harry was going to tell Hermione how he felt but on the day he was going to do that was the day she told them she was leaving. He couldn't bring himself to step in front of her happiness. Besides, Hermione was Hermione and what she wanted to do, she was going to do; he couldn't have stopped her even if he had wanted to. So instead of telling her, he just gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and let her go on her way. That was one of his biggest regrets: just letting her go without saying a word.

So now five years later, after years of struggling and moving around, Harry found himself in the one place he knew he could think clearly, the one place he always called home. Looking up at the crumbling ruins of the once majestic castle, Harry almost felt that Hogwarts was now a representation of his life post-war. After the battle that had taken place there and ended the war, it was decided that the castle was beyond repair; so now here it sat, slowly falling apart even more. The grounds were now over-grown grass fields, the Forbidden Forest looked wilder than ever, Hagrid's hut was still blown to bits, and the Black Lake looked as abandoned as the castle.

Harry slowly started making his way down the side of the castle towards the lake, just like the trio did in their school days. He stopped when he came to a single tree, now decrepit and barren, and in his mind's eye, he could see the same scene that had been haunting his dreams for weeks.

The Golden Trio was sitting under the tree that was in full bloom, studying for up-coming finals, at Hermione's demand of course. They looked as if they didn't have a care in the world. There was no Dark Lord, there was no final battle, just three friends enjoying life. Harry looked on at the scene like an outsider watching a film and his heart twinged with longing. He wished that more than anything, he could go back and relive those days, he didn't even care that it meant he would have to relive all the horrible times that came with it. Whether they were actually good or bad, they were still the best days of his life.

Harry snapped back into reality like a rubber band. He used the back of his hand to wipe away the small tears that were now falling down his face. Walking closer to the tree, he slowly lowered himself to the ground and sat in the same place that they always used to, begging whatever bigger power there was that he could just have some sign or form of proof that his life wasn't always going to be like this. That he and Ron could get over the fights they've had so frequently about things that didn't even matter anymore. That he could go to a Weasley dinner and not feel like everyone was watching him, waiting for him to explode. That he could find a place to call home again and not feel like a stranger in his own flat. But mostly, that Hermione would come back and he could hold her in his arms and they could just talk, like no time had passed at all. Then maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't feel like his life had come to an end.

"Harry?" A small voice came from behind him, so quiet that he almost thought that he had imagined it. But turning around to see the direction the voice had come from, his heart nearly tore from his chest.

"Harry what are you doing out here?" Hermione said making her way down the slope towards him.

Harry's eyes were glued to her face that was full of worry and concern. Was he imagining this? Surely it was just his mind playing tricks on him. He got to his feet. "Hermione?"

She finally reached him and, standing not even a foot apart; her eyes met his, as if searching for something. Harry lifted a hand and placed it on the side of her face, making sure she was real, that she was really there. But the warmth beneath his fingertips didn't convince him. "Are you really here?"

At that, a small smile formed on her lips, but the worry didn't leave her eyes. "Yes Harry, it's me. But what are you doing here?" she said, repeating her question.

Harry dropped his hand, shoving it in his pocket and turned away to face the lake. "I just came out here to think, sort out my life." He never could hide the truth from Hermione. With her, he was like an open box. But he couldn't help think of how odd the timing was, that after almost five years, they would just happen to show up at Hogwarts at the same time. Now the side of Harry that was constantly on-alert (the side that remembered that just because Voldemort was gone, didn't mean his followers would stop trying; he'd already had to deal with quite a few of them since the end of the war) kicked in as his hand gripped his wand in his pocket. "What are you doing here?"

Hermione stood by his side, looking out at the lake. "I actually come here often. Feels like this is the only place where anything was ever right in the world, despite its current state. It helps me try to straighten things out because it feels like any good memory I have happened here, to the point that it doesn't even matter how many bad things happened here too."

Harry could hear the sadness laced within her words. It tugged on his heart to know that Hermione was still struggling as much as he was. But the way she had said that, he knew it just had to be her. However, after years of learning things the hard way, he knew better. So he would ask her a question that only Hermione could give the answer to. "Why did you leave me?" He looked over at her until her eyes met his own.

But when she turned, he could see the tears falling down her face. "Because no matter how much I cared about you, no matter how much I loved you, I needed to take care of myself, Harry. With every passing day we all get older, and I was getting tired, Harry. I was getting tired and I wasn't even 20 yet! We were 18; young yet tired. We had lived so much in those 18 years that it felt like a lifetime. When the war was over, it felt like we had to start our lives over again. But I felt like I had nowhere to begin. I've spent years look after you and Ron, it was time that I tried to look after myself."

Harry let go of his wand in his pocket and place both hands on the sides of her face, rubbing away the tears with his thumbs. In that moment, it didn't matter that it had been almost five years nor that he had yet to tell her that he was in love with her, because he knew in his heart that she already knew. He let his hands drop, but only for a moment. Giving in to what he'd been waiting for, he pulled her to him, wrapped her in his arms and hugged her as if letting go meant letting go forever.

Hermione pulled away but kept her arms around him. Looking in his eyes, she found what she was looking for. "I love you so much, Harry."

Harry's eyes began to shine as tears of his own returned. "I love you too, Hermione."


End file.
